Top 15 lines from Princess Rap Battle

In honor of the news that Whitney Avalon has filmed the latest rap battle, here’s my fave lines from the four videos.
BTW, did they really use a HARP in a rap?

Mrs. Claus to Mary Poppins
“Don’t go there, honey, the word around town
Is just a spoonful of sugar gets you to go down.”
Um, no comment necessary on this one.

Cinderella to Belle
“Bippity Boppity Booyah!”
Sounded even better than when Howard did it on Big Bang Theory.

Mary Poppins to Mrs. Claus
“I hear it’s been years since the North Pole got rigid
Today’s forecast says you’re entirely frigid.”
Even though this one isn’t huge, it gets better if you remember it’s Mary Poppins saying it.

Cinderella to Belle
“The Beast was in the friend zone till he gave you his library.”
I love this one. . .

Galandriel to Leia
“Howz Alderaan doing? Sorry, too soon?”
Yes, too soon.

Mary Poppins to Mrs. Claus
“You never get applause, you’re the dependent Claus.”
Mary P—who else?—sending some sugah to the grammar geeks.

Elsa, Tiana, and Merida to Snow White
“What’s up with you and those seven schnooks?”
“Hi, ho!”
Snow White’s outraged look really sells this.

Leia to Galandriel
“Just a hippie hobbit-humper, unblinking and bland.”
Especially with Pippen coming up from below the screen to make a “Shame on you!” look.

Cinderella to Belle
“Let’s look at your mentality, Freud loves your abnormality.
The Stockholm Syndrome Story: Beauty and the Bestiality.”
Cinderella’s best dig goes to sexual deviancy. You can see Belle feels it, but it’s mitigated when later she says, “I want a man in the street but a beast in the bed!” With appropriate humping motion.

Galandriel to Leia
“You can kiss my ass, pretend it’s your brother.”
This one gives Galandriel the clear victory when up till then it was pretty even. Leia gives a little huff of exasperation, but it’s Luke’s reaction that tilts the scales.

Leia to Galandriel
“You’re like a Stormtrooper cuz your shots never hit
I wore one gold bikini and the world lost its shit.”
Doesn’t matter how popular Tolkien’s works are, they don’t have that one iconic visual.

Mary Poppins and Bert to Santa Claus
“Please don’t act like you’re some kind of saint, Nick.”
“Always spying on minors.”
(Together) “That’s jailbait, prick.”

Galandriel to Leia
“After Jabba’s eager tongue you should know when you’re licked.”
Wow, the face Whitney makes here. . .

Belle to Cinderella
“It’s like you always choke once you make it to the balls.”
About her running out of the ball at midnight. Whitney’s look of fake commiseration sells it even more, like a Suthin’ belle—no pun—when she’s stealth-insulting you.

Belle to Cinderella
“Fear the nerdy, wordy princess cuz I’m throwin’ more shade
Than the willow tree growing on your dead mother’s grave!”
Even Buttercup knows it’s over at that point. Extra points if mentioning the type of tree is a Buffy reference, since I don’t think that was in the original story. But more importantly, any time you can make up such a heavy insult that could only work on one single person in the entire history and literature of the world. . . that’s hugely impressive.


Some others that almost made the cut:

Elsa to Snow White
“Who the hell are you to step to me?
An aimless airhead with a vitamin D deficiency?”
I have already used this one to great effect.

Snow White to Elsa
“Had the chance to do better, but
Like a porn star, ya blew it.”
Unfortunately we didn’t get Elsa’s reaction to that; considering how she’d reacted to the crack about her hair. . . but it loses a little steam because this is something you can say to anyone about anything.

Leia to Galandriel
“Showing off your dark side? You remind me of my dad.”
Luke acts like this is the best burn of all time; Han is just Han. . .

Mrs. Claus to Mary Poppins
“Come at me, freak – I’ll one-horse open slay ya.”
Nice. . .

Bert to Santa Claus
“You’re an icon of greed that’s perverted the season
You give coal to bad kids, Mary teaches ‘em reason.”
Perfectly true, but hardly an insult.

Cinderella to Belle
“These girls are trippin’, did they cut off their toes?”
This only works if you’re familiar with the original story, not just the Disney movie.

Cinderella to Belle
“I deserve all the praise for the foot-fetish craze.”
Goes well with her later “Like I always say, if the shoe fits, wear it!”



Tell me what you think I need to know. . .

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s